Trying is half the battle

So the weather was really nice for several days in a row, and I made myself get up and onto things needing done outside.First we pruned some branches off the big tree and butchered the hell outta the front bushes. Then I removed all the dead stuff off the front garden and removed all weeds.We had already had a gardener come to poison the rampant weeds in our back garden, so raked up all that too. So now both back and front are ready for their make overs. Back gardens getting new turf/sod added and the smaller shed is going up.All excess crap is going away and what is kept will go into the shed.Front garden is getting a mix of 3 types of wildflower seed. I didn't do any of this in one day, and it sure took a very long time to accomplish each task. Lots of pain and feeling like I might die on the spot, but I did it and am one step closer to getting back my outside spaces, as well as starting to improve my physical health.So all in all I feel I have accomplished something.

Update

Slowly Painting the bedroom, and I do mean slowly. The neck and shoulder injury I got from the accident doesn't allow me long before severe pain and migraine set in. I usually can go around 5 to 10 mins before I'm completely creased. The fireplace wall took 5 hours for just 1 coat! When I finish I am usually so broken and in pain I put myself to bed , which I find ridiculous as I haven't done much really! I didn't paint all the way up as we are adding coving there, so no point wasting paint. Once the rest of the excess stuff is out I can finish the blue on the walls, but that requires hubby to have a good day and help me with the wardrobe. The final step is 8 drops of wallpaper on the bed wall and curtains with blinds over the window. We also plan to re-tile the fireplace to keep it matching with the new look. As for the rest of what I am up to, just trying to feel I accomplish things without killing myself, which is hard with my pain, and sorting out the insurance claim..which will help pay for work I can't do on this house that needs doing. The wheels of justice seem so very slow, LOL

Remembering Lost Love

I Loved You Best

So this is where we part, My Friend,
and you'll run on, around the bend,
gone from sight, but not from mind, 
new pleasures there you'll surely find.

I will go on, I'll find the strength, 
life measures quality, not its length.
One long embrace before you leave,
share one last look, before I grieve. 

There are others, that much is true,
but they be they, and they aren't you. 
And I, fair, impartial, or so I thought, 
will remember well all you've taught. 

Your place I'll hold, you will be missed,
the fur I stroked, the nose I kissed. 
And as you journey to your final rest, 
take with you this... I loved you best.

- Jim Willis

The Mental side of Mending

Since I updated you all on the physical side of my healing, or lack there of, I will now update you on the psychological side.
The main things I am now having to deal with on a daily basis are :

1. Unmanageable fear of riding in cars
2. Increased anxiety or uneasiness
3. Persistent nightmares
4. Very Jumpy at unexpected noises occurring

I am basically now unable to ride in a car like any normal person would, just the idea that we have to go somewhere causes me to hyperventilate and feel like bursting out into tears. Anyone who knows me and my story previous tot his accident knows I am a very tough lady and have travelled the width and breath of my own country in a car, both driving and as a passenger.  I have never been so fearful as I now am concerning vehicular travel. I actually get physical symptoms from being forced by circumstances to have no choice but to be in one. I am so very jumpy now, I literally jump out of my skin or duck at any sound I wasn't aware was coming, and those I was expecting if loud enough I still jump as well. I am having constant nightmares, this leads to constant bad sleep... which obviously is wearing and not good for me. I have a general sense of anxiety & uneasiness around me now and have to try to keep my mind very occupied to ignore this causing me panic attacks. I will need to seek professional help for all of this I know...but want to get my physical self a bit better first as sitting in a chair for 30 mins to an hour right now would cause too much pain.

Still on the Mend

Three weeks now since the accident and still I continue to suffer the aftermath. I can barely get into a car now, as it brings on serious anxiety and panic attacks to do so, I even begin to tear up when there is too many other cars around. So due to this I only get into the car when it can't be avoided like doctors or Job centre related things. Physically I thought I was getting better, but have now found this depends on the day. Some days it is just the non stop headache, and biting twinge in my neck, others i'ts full blown agony my head throbbing like I've never known before and serious earache along with the neck pain feeling so severe I have to try and just put myself to bed. I am doing what the GP recommended which was to not coddle the neck and to use it , to prevent it seizing up...but this is what tends to cause the worst days..especially when I turn my head to look at something or someone. My sinus drain seems a teeny bit better, but is still occurring, which when in the laying position causes  my throat to feel as though there is something in there blocking it. I been lucky and have no numbness or pins and needles sensations, but have noticed my shoulder begins to aches something chronic if I do too much. I will be so glad when these things go away, as they are hindering me in my original plans. I should have been long done with the bathroom by now and onto the hallway and landing, but simply cannot get a thing done due to the head and neck pain becomes too great after only a mere 5 mins of doing anything. Just my luck I suppose. :(  In the below photo the RED is the areas of actual injury pinpoints the Yellow is the referred pain and headache

I endure.

Cowboy Poetry and Storytelling - Gary Brace - "That old dog"

Cowboy Poetry and Storytelling - Gary Brace - "These words to which to I...

A Laugh A Day Keeps You Sane (Spring)

A Laugh A Day Keeps You Sane

A quote I like:
"I learned that who doesn’t look for you, doesn’t miss you and who doesn’t miss you doesn’t care for you… that destiny determines who enters your life but you decide who stays… that the truth hurts only once and a lie every time you remember it. There are three things in life that leave and never return: words, time and opportunities… therefore, value whoever values you and don’t treat as a priority whoever treats you as an option."

Working on art

Just trying to create some of these cute things of each of our pups, this is my attempt at Peppi ,Gabby ,Bandit  and Mo gifs♥

Meds

The GP put me on pain meds yesterday, because I'm coddling my neck for the pain, and he says to start getting better I need to start holding it up properly and using it normally. The pain causes me to hold my head down chin tucked towards my chest. If I don't hold it this way I get the constant headaches, severe pain in my left ear and eye..eventually making it unbearable and having to go to bed for a nap. My shoulder on that side also has pain, which gets worse if I'm laying down...so the nap then inflames that. The pills work quite fast on me, as I do not like medication and don't take it if it can be avoided, for how sick pills tend to make me. These pills make me feel drunk, then tired, rendering me pretty useless until they wear off. Oh I really can't wait for these physical symptoms to die down, they are impeding me getting anything done, and my schedule for doing this house up has been thrown to the winds for now. :( I can't sleep longer than 30 mins to an hour max in a stretch for all the nightmares I am having, and this means in my woke state I am quite a grumpy cow. I'm so edgy and jumpy now, the slightest sound sending me diving for cover, how absolutely insane is that! When we went out to get to the GP I was so upset and fearful about every single car we encountered along the way, like seriously I know how daft it sounds...but it's reality for me...being forced to even be in a car causes me to go into a state of detachment as if I'm watching myself getting taken to wherever from the outside looking in, I think I'm losing my mind over this, and I just don't understand why. When we were done at the doctors, just knowing I had to get back into a car makes me instantly panicked and start fearing and stressing. Oh how lovely it is to just be home and not be forced out into a car.

Aftermath

I went today(Tuesday) to the GP for my injuries which still are in play from the accident. The muscle known as the sternocleidomastoid is causing me serious pain. Symptoms ranging from severe headache to ear ache, left eye pain , temple pain and shoulder pain. They did a wide range of x rays for me and those results return in a week. I am also suffering psychological symptoms which are :
Insomnia and when I sleep  nightmares,Fatigue (most likely from the insomnia) ,Being startled easily...I'm constantly jumping out of my skin at the slightest sound,Difficulty concentrating,Edginess and agitation,Feeling disconnected (which was one of my immediate symptoms) ,Withdrawing from others,Anxiety and fear,Anger, irritability, mood swings,Shock, feeling out of control,Suffering from severe fear ( especially where vehicles are concerned), depression, Avoiding anything that reminds me of the trauma,Emotionally numb and disconnected. I will be claiming for my injuries and psych damages, as this is really causing me problems in getting on with life...something I seriously did not need.

Anyone else experiencing this? I was talking to my friend Jan's son and suddenly boop off I was kicked. This has shown up ever since. :( That was around 4pm UK time

I know I haven't posted in the last few days, both myself and hubby have been mending. We were both really sore , extremely tired and somewhat sick to our stomachs...we are getting better but still aches and I have a constant headache and neck/shoulder pain still. Were both feeling pretty good about our choice to remain in our  home. When we look at the overall it just makes sense.Yes a new adventure and fresh start would be nice..in theory, but in actuality neither of us are physically up to such a major move. The natural micro climate is a huge pull, while the rest of the country was getting terrible snow, ice, and cold..we have been having sun, rain and a bit of wind, but nothing as major as other places. Both of our health conditions are inflamed by cold or horrid weather, and since we can't afford a warmer place, we simply couldn't do better than the weather provided by our town. Yes this house needs decorating, BUT, the major work has already been done, just a new roof at some point, otherwise it's just cosmetics. The size of our garden is HUGE compared to most UK gardens/Yards and to be honest we most likely couldn't keep up with much bigger. So over the next few months we will slowly transform this place and be able to finally call it home. :)

No feeling so good

Went to bed last night quite early for me, but woke in the night heaving my guts out. I still feel sooo sick in my stomach and like I might do some more vomiting. My neck on the left side is painful when turned just right , and even though it is 4pm now, I've spent all day fluctuating between awake and asleep. I think I have slept more than being awake though.Going to see the doctors tomorrow, just to be sure I am ok...I feel sooo very sickly. I also ache throughout my body like the next day after a huge workout for the first time in years. We were told that evidently if the impact  didn't damage the car like we thought it should be, our bodies will have taken the blast... so better safe than sorry, I have felt so "out of body" since this accident.

"Accidents Happen"

So just going to ASDA to get milk around 3pm today and as we rolled to a stop the fella behind us ran clean into our rear end no attempts to brake. The smash of it threw us both forward, causing pain to my neck and put me into a state of shock that affected my stomach and sense of reality. The guys only real response was a sarcastic "I'ts just and accident, Accidents happen" It doesn't look much in the photos, and to be honest when I got out I expected to see a hell of allot more, based on the force. We are worried it may have twisted the frame, which would write it off, which according to hubby isn't a good thing. I'm just trying to get over the shock of it all. Nice cuppa and a nap I think.

Grand child

She is getting so big!

Brrrr

Well the weather has gone cold again, which I guess is how it is supposed to be this time of year...but oh how nice it was to be so mild :) . Tilly's breed has zero body fat so of course straight under the covers she goes.

Plans for decorating

Most of what we need has already been bought over the many years of living here. If we saw something at a bargain price we would buy, LOL which actually wors out for us now.Below is the plan as it stands now, things could change, but not too much because as I said most things are bought.
Click the below image to see the full size plans.

Yet another cloud filled morning, but hopefully it will do like yesterday and burn off to sunshine by afternoon. Got more work breaking down the vivariums today as we sold them ...so off to their new home Friday. That will be a spare £100 to add to the pot, which atm is only £300 a month for all of us to survive on, I suppose it's better than a swift kick in the teeth, but it really doesn't last long at all. I have plenty more to sell to stay afloat for now, grateful to have our home and mild weather. 

Love and Light  to ALL

♥ JAG♥

So after much time spent really looking at the facts, and having to come to terms with the realities we now live with...It has been decided We are NOT moving. It's just not possible to do with the state my husband is in, and limited income and no able bodies to help. So I will instead , slowly be decorating this house and turning it into home. We have lived here since 2004, but it was never home, always just the house we happened to be in, thinking we would then move on. Now all these years down the line, it is finally time to turn it into HOME.

♥ I LOVE THIS BOY TO BITS! ♥

Rain Rain Go AWAY!

The beautiful English weather, so changeable ...today is a cold , wet day with occasional gusts of wind...Freya didn't live up to her name here but it did bring miserable damp and chill. I am looking forward to the REAL break in the weather, not just a week or so LOL